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ツ  Yep!!!!  I’m due July 14, 2013!!! 

© Poet4Life/Poe
(unless otherwise noted)

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Sometimes I sit and wonder
Occasionally I ask ‘WHY’
Why do I even EXIST
Why does my family make me feel like I want to die?
I replay that damned phone call
Over and over in my head
So much hurt lay in the ruins
So many truths left unsaid
She told me it meant NOTHING
(She was speaking of my poetry….)
Said my life amounted to NOTHING
“But GRANDMA”, I pleaded, “my poetry MEANS something to ME…”
“My poetry is not just a ‘hobby’
“It is my way of life
Writing is how I deal
With all the joys AND the strife” 
Grandma ignored my very words and asked:
“Why do you feel like you have to WRITE?!?
“What could be SO horrible?”
Silently I admitted defeat, trying not to cry
“Forget it Grandma,” I answered
As I wipe the silent tears away
I knew I couldn’t change her mind 
There was nothing more I could say
I gave her some ‘off-the-wall’ excuse
ANYTHING to get her off the phone
My soul felt BETRAYED…. CRUSHED
All I knew is I had to be alone

I let the tears roll down my cheeks
As a million thoughts raced through my mind 
I NEVER felt so…LOW before
A little part of my spirit….
          DiEd
How could anyone…much less my GRANDMA
Be so heartless and mean?
Did she REALLY not know
That her very words stung worse than a thousand bees?
I sat for awhile trapped in my thoughts
Feelings of worthlessness took over my heart
Up until this phone call
I had found a purpose in my poetic art

Then suddenly I picked up a pen
Wiped a final tear from my eye
Although my grandma’s words hurt
I wasn’t going to allow her to completely kill me inside
So I did the only thing I knew to do
I confided in my BEST FRIEND, I poured out my heart and soul on paper because let’s face it
My poetry is the ONLY ONE that will be here in the end!

I will NEVER forget the conversation
That almost caused the poet within me to die
Because that very same conversation
Reminded THIS poet WHY she’s ALIVE!!

©Poe, 2013

☆NEVER allow ANYONE to stomp on your dreams!!! Live and love….. and LOVE what you LIVE!!!! ☆  ~Poe

© Poet4Life/Poe
(unless otherwise noted)

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Why does it hurt
So deep inside my heart?
Why do I feel
As though I’m falling apart?
I KNOW we’re not “together”
(Although I do wish it to be…)
This ache, this pain you cause me
Can you even see?!?
What if I told you
That I cried last night?!?
Once again you said you’d be here
And again in anticipation, my heart took flight 
I don’t understand why it is
That I care for you so
Do you even care for me?!?
The answer to this I just don’t know
You’re brother and sister
Tell me that you care
That you’re scared of these feelings
So you act like they’re not there
But Mr. C, I must ask
What is it exactly you’re afraid of?!?
Are you worried I might end up like her…. your EX…?!?
Or are you simply afraid you might actually fall in LOVE…??
Mr. C, I’m asking that you
Just give me a chance
Let me show you how a woman treats a man 
Let me love you like you deserve, show you some pure romance
Mr. C, I can’t go on like this
I can’t keep denying my heart, can’t you see?!?
I know you’re afraid of getting hurt again
But I’m NOT HER… I’m ME!
I vow to NEVER hurt you
I promise to NEVER cause you pain
If you give me a chance, Mr. C
I assure you will NEVER stand in the rain
I understand the “complications”
You have three beautiful daughters almost grown
Isn’t it obvious that I care for them too??
Or is my concern and love going unknown…?!? 
Mr. C, I’m asking that you TRUST ME
Trust that these feelings I have for you are TRUE 
I would LOVE to be yours for the rest of time
Mr. C….. I would LOVE to forever belong to YOU!!!

©Poe, 2013

{PoeT’s Note: I truly wish I could tell Mr. C these things….show him these words…. but I’m deathly afraid it might ruin the FRIENDSHIP we currently have……  :-\  } 

© Poet4Life/Poe
(unless otherwise noted)

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Oh mother, oh mother
Why do you act like you do not know
You act like you don’t understand
Why I hate you so
It makes me absolutely SICK
That you simply have yourself convinced
Believing that there is NO REASON
That we cannot “harmoniously coexist”
Is it EASIER for you to live with yourself, “Mom”
The LIES you tell yourself…
do they allow you to see another day?
Must you live in a state of constant denial?
Is there REALLY no other way?

You sat and watched them rape me
Before the age of 7
YOU touched me in “naughty places”
I grew up, victim of your sexual obsession
Once upon a time, I admit…
I thought it was LOVE you showed me
While my juvenile heart cried out “LOVE”….
My physical body, mind and spirit disagreed
I’m 26 years old now, “mom”
My self – hatred, can you see?
I HATE that I mistook the abuse as LOVE and AFFECTION
I HATE that because of YOU… I am unable to LOVE *ME*

You say that I have NO RIGHT to be ANGRY with you
Oh, but that wasn’t ME….that was Murderous Moe
Yep, you met my FRIEND the other night…
I DARE YOU to F*U©K with ME again….
C’mon “mom”… FU©K with Poe

What’s the matter, “mommy”?
Are you afraid if youACKNOWLEDGEmy FRIEND
That it will make Murderous Moe *REAL*?
And that it would ultimately mean your END….?!?
Well, you are correct in that assumption
Would you like to know WHY…?
Why is it that Moe has it in for you…..
Why would she want you to say a final GOODBYE….?!?

Well, mother dearest,
The truth can’t you see?
I AM POE….. AND I AM MOE
HATE for *YOU* runs DEEP within *both* of “ME”
Although you JUST met Moe
She has been at my side for YEARS
Watching Poe be victimized
Unable to catch every free falling tear
Oh, yes, mother, do you see NOW?
When I was getting RAPED and BEAT, Moe was TOO
Only difference between her and I, “mom”
Is MOE has the *BALLS* to STAND UP TO YOU!!!!!

Try and convince yourself you’re JUSTIFIED
When you treat the damn ANIMALS better than your first born
Go ahead, kick me when I’m down
Moe will see to it that I *RISE* above this storm!

You look TERRIFIED, mother dearest
*What’d you say?* “What will Moe DO?!?”
Hahaha!!!!! She’s got the element of surprise, “mommy”
Let’s just say……watch your back AND “front”, too!!!
Moe is rather unconventional
Her ideas do NOT come from a book
But look deep into her eyes you’ll see MURDER, REVENGE
Go ahead, “mom”….. take a GOOD LOOK!!!!!
She might chop you up
She might tell your “dope connect” what you did back then
No matter what, YOU WILL PAY
Because remember….you didn’t hurt HER now
Worse… you hurt her as a KID!!!

Oh mother dearest, oh mother dearest
Why do you act like you do not know
You act like you do not understand
Exactly why I hate you so
I cannot comprehend
How you live in SUCH denial
SWEARING I was *never* abused
All the while MY LIFE is *STUCK* in a CONSTANT
DOWNWARD SPIRAL

Well maybe you need to lie to yourself
CONVINCE yourself that life was PERFECT years ago
Oh, but let me warn you NOW, mother dearest……
You have *NOT* seen the last of *Moe*………..

{ALL works,.unless otherwise stated, are property/copyright of Poet4Life (aka Poe)…. Thank you.}

© Poe

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♥ ♥ **NEW POEM** ♥ ♥
(PLEASE read and pass this on if you know someone who needs this….thnx!)

♥ **TO THE RESIDENTS OF NEWTOWN, CT** ♥
–>You Aren’t Alone…<–

I know that you and I have never met
Nor have we shared a single conversation over the phone
But my heart has something you NEED to hear
It is important for you to know that you are NOT suffering *alone*

There is about 2,500 miles separating you and me
But despite the miles please know that in the VERY SAME moment
Your world began falling apart
Here on the West Coast–and around the WORLD–eyes filled with tears,
Your pain was *SHARED*
I (with many others) got down on bended knee, prayers filled my heart
I *KNOW* I will NEVER know EXACTLY how you feel or the weight
Of your pain
But if you look hard enough
You will see me standing WITH YOU in the rain
There is no doubt that the road ahead will be difficult
You will have good days, bad days, you will laugh and cry
ALLOW YOURSELF to *FEEL* and *GRIEVE* but whatever you do…PLEASE…
Do not find yourself running in circles trying to find the answer to ‘WHY?!?’
If you spend your every minute trying to find the answer to this question
I guarantee you that you will drive yourself MaD
Because I *promise* you that *NO ONE* will EVER *truly* understand
The dark and evil secret thoughts of a MADMAN
Although I cannot tell you
WHY things happened this way
Please know that you do not suffer with this reality alone
And *know* that the one responsible for this pain will have HELL to pay

My words might not mean much at all
I know that my very words are few
I just PRAY that *one word*, *one stanza*
Might bring even the SLIGHTEST bit of comfort to you
I know for some of you, my words brought NO comfort or solace
(In reality…whether or not MY words make a difference
Will remain unknown…)
But I *PRAY* that if you only take ONE THING from this rhyme
I sincerely PRAY that when you set this down, that you remember
THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THIS ALONE!!!

© Poe, 2012

E-mail: poet4life1@gmail.com
Blog : poet4life1.wordpress.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/poet4life1

**I send all my LOVE and my deepest, sincerest condolences within these words. I hope that if one of MY words is unable to provide SOME level of comfort……I pray that each survivor, each child, each parent….I pray that EVERY RESIDENT in NewTown, Connecticut are able to someday soon find SOME comfort…..SOMEWHERE…….**

♥ May the fallen victims Rest In Peace as they watch over their loved ones and may those left behind take comfort in knowing that although they are PHYSICALLY gone……THEY WILL LIVE ON IN YOUR HEARTS AND MEMORIES *FOREVER*……. (I’m NOT saying this to be “insensitive”…..I know…..easier said than done……sorry if you took the last statement in a negative way……)

*~* RESIDENTS OF NEWTOWN………. *please* know that the entire world weeps WITH you…..I just pray that amidst your grief and suffering…… that you NEVER feel that you must endure this pain *alone*……We cry WITH you…..we hurt WITH you……*here FOR you*…..*~*

—> Thank you for reading and please accept my sincere condolences,
♥ “Poet4Life” aKa “Poe” ♥

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My head hurts
My thoughts are running in circles
Hovering, circling
Throughout my brain
My thoughts all jumbled and confused
Unable to SEE because of the SMOKE
Thick, black smoke
I know all too well
Instead of hurricanes
We get EARTHQUAKES
Instead of tsunami’s and tornados
We receive RED FLAG WARNINGS
The thought,
The oh-so familiar fear
Sends shivers through my body
But this was no ORDINARY wildfire…
No…. This was not a wildfire at all
But the FIRE BEAST did roar today
Showed NO MERCY
As that son of a B*T©H
Swallowed my neighbors house hole
I sat there and watched
My neighbors house BEG for mercy
As it was whisked away
As swift and fast
As a house of cards
Being blown over
My nerves are shot to hell
My body can’t stop shaking
I keep replaying the images
Over and over
Maybe hoping it was fake
But I take one step outside
And find myself swimming in ashes
Suffocating by the reality of today
Trying to answer “why”… “how”….
But a part of me knows that
The house that once stood
That house that I owe many
Of my childhood smiles to
That house….. Will now and forever be
Up in smoke……

I am overflowing with grief
Sadness, fear has rented a space in my heart
But then I am also left with gratitude
Thanking God that NO ONE WAS HURT
Thankful for my friends, my  loved ones
And I find myself suddenly
TELLING those whom I love
That I DO…..
Reminding them of the fact….
Rather than ASSUMING they know
Because, once again I am learning
That LIFE CONSTANTLY CHANGES
And in ONE SECOND
Everything you know
Can be gone…….
Life as you know it
Can go up in smoke……..

© Poe, 2012

*I know it’s super rough….. But I can’t seem to get my thoughts together….. Yes…… My neighbors house burned to the ground today….. No one was hurt…..but there is no longer a house where there used to be……. I’m still shaking…… So… I expect this to be a rough poem….

~ Poe

© Poet4Life aka “Poe”

*All writings seen on this blog are written by & property of: Poet4Life aka Poe — unless otherwise stated. Thank you.*

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My head hurts
My thoughts are running in circles
Hovering, circling
Throughout my brain
My thoughts all jumbled and confused
Unable to SEE because of the SMOKE
Thick, black smoke
I know all too well
Instead of hurricanes
We get EARTHQUAKES
Instead of tsunami’s and tornados
We receive RED FLAG WARNINGS
The thought,
The oh-so familiar fear
Sends shivers through my body
But this was no ORDINARY wildfire…
No…. This was not a wildfire at all
But the FIRE BEAST did roar today
Showed NO MERCY
As that son of a B*T©H
Swallowed my neighbors house hole
I sat there and watched
My neighbors house BEG for mercy
As it was whisked away
As swift and fast
As a house of cards
Being blown over
My nerves are shot to hell
My body can’t stop shaking
I keep replaying the images
Over and over
Maybe hoping it was fake
But I take one step outside
And find myself swimming in ashes
Suffocating by the reality of today
Trying to answer “why”… “how”….
But a part of me knows that
The house that once stood
That house that I owe many
Of my childhood smiles to
That house….. Will now and forever be
Up in smoke……

I am overflowing with grief
Sadness, fear has rented a space in my heart
But then I am also left with gratitude
Thanking God that NO ONE WAS HURT
Thankful for my friends, my  loved ones
And I find myself suddenly
TELLING those whom I love
That I DO…..
Reminding them of the fact….
Rather than ASSUMING they know
Because, once again I am learning
That LIFE CONSTANTLY CHANGES
And in ONE SECOND
Everything you know
Can be gone…….
Life as you know it
Can go up in smoke……..

© Poe, 2012

*I know it’s super rough….. But I can’t seem to get my thoughts together….. Yes…… My neighbors house burned to the ground today….. No one was hurt…..but there is no longer a house where there used to be……. I’m still shaking…… So… I expect this to be a rough poem….

~ Poe

© Poet4Life aka “Poe”

*All writings seen on this blog are written by & property of: Poet4Life aka Poe — unless otherwise stated. Thank you.*

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