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There is a war going on
Can’t anyone see???
A battle between heart and mind
The war within me
At first I denied it
“Are you pregnant? When are you due?”
I refused to admit, even to myself
That what they were saying COULD be true
I forgot about what’s-his-name
That cold March night
How I let him come over
Just because I was tired of the fight
I told him ‘no’
“NO” he didn’t want to hear
Reluctantly I gave in
Not allowing him to smell my fear
How dumb was I
One night of unprotected sex
Now I’m battling with decisions
Choices in which are leaving me perplexed
My heart screams in JOY
While my mind is yelling FEAR
I don’t know what to do
So in solitude I release a single tear
My heart tells me it’s a BABY I can love
A BEAUTIFUL gift given
From the One above
But my mind says
It’d be SELFISH to keep it
‘You can’t fill the baby’s every need…”
This is true, I admit
But then my heart retaliates
Holding tight to love and joy
I suddenly find myself confused
Should I keep or abort this girl or boy?!?

I want any kids of mine
To have a mommy AND daddy
I want them to know WITHOUT A DOUBT
They are LOVED and always will be
I want them to learn to smile
Before they learn to frown
I want them to know that it’s Ok
If in life they ever fall down

Right now where I live
In the environment that I’m in
I tell no lies when I say
That raising a child here would be a sin
I never thought I would be in this fight
Asking myself if I’m willing to take a life
But what kind of life would this baby truly live
If he or she were to  be surrounded by strife?!?
I refuse to let another kid
Be haunted by this place
The ghosts of my past
Will not even SEE their face!

There is a war going on
Can’t anyone see???
A battle between heart and mind
It is a war within me……

:-\

©Poe, 2013

© Poet4Life/Poe
(unless otherwise noted)

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**~•DISCLAIMER!!!!  Read 1ST•~**
_________________________________
••• EXTREMELY TRIGGERING POEM…… DETAILS A MEMORY/FLASHBACK OF MINE INVOLVING SEXUAL ABUSE AS A KID!!!!  DESCRIPTION IS EXTREMELY VIVID & QUITE DISTURBING.  PLEASE  READ WITH CAUTION •••
_________________________________

*A LIFETIME OF MEMORIES…*

They creep into your consciousness
They know exactly
Which images to show
At exactly the right time
These memories will haunt you
Until you take your last breath
Sheeeeiiittt …….
If a GROWN ASS MAN had to see what I saw
Every single day
He’d be on his hands and knees
Begging God for mercy
He would cry out,
Plead with God……
Try to bargain
Only to find that God
Would never answer

With the rising of the sun
And the  falling of each moon
The movies in my head
Rewind
Replay
Rewind
Replay……
Never do they fast forward or stop
Oh no…. God forbid…..
So I sit there, beneath the sunlight
I lie there, blanketed by the moon and stars
Watching my 7 year old body
Be passed around
Between 4, 5, 6 grown ass men
This is my first “job”…..
My MOM & STEPDAD are receiving my earnings
These men pay cash
Or simply give enough dope
And they’ve bought themselves a time slot
To fuck me
Suck me
Do whatever they wish to me
My stepdad holds my arms down
Although it’s been over a year
Since I’ve fought back
No….. I learned a long time ago
Not to resist
My mom sits watching
Her eldest daughter
Become a 7-year-old slut
After she snorts her dope
She grabs her vibrator
And shoves it deep into her pussy
She moans
Howls, like a werewolf under a full moon
As a single tear drop
Falls from my eye
My stepdad holds his position
My arms pinned above my head
One guy has his dick in my mouth
(And guys wonder why I’m so good at sucking cock….
I was in accelerated classes at a young age)
Cock in mouth,
Another in my pussy
It’s in this moment I think
That NO AMOUNT of emotional pain
Could be worse
Than the physical pain
I’m in now



The dick in my mouth


Retreats


And the dick in my pussy


Pulls out to “rotate”


To the next sick FUCK ‘in line’


Then I hear her


It’s my mom’s voice….


She’s getting closer…


HE (stepdad) releases one of my arms


My mom lays beside me


Her head rests upon my pale stomach


She reaches for my loose arm


Causing my fingers & her pussy


To make contact


I know what’s expected of me


This wasn’t a first


So I used my fingers


Played with mommy’s clit


‘Make mommy happy’ is what I’m told


In, out, in, out of her wet pussy


Then suddenly a pain shoots through me


Another dick has gone inside me


She  sticks my fingers in my mouth


As I lick her pussy juices clean off


Mommy moves her head higher up my chest


She reaches my still-immature


Pre-pubescent nipples


The dick down below


Jams me hard and fast


As my mommy sucks my nipples


HE had let loose of my other arm


Leaving my arms unattended


He goes to fuck mommy


(Her sucking my nipples


Makes him particularly excited)


My pussy is in ROTATION again…..


(I hope this is the last one…..)


At least THIS guy is more GENTLE…..


It doesn’t hurt AS MUCH…….


Mommy sucks and bites on my nipples


As HE fucks her


Dick #5 pulls out


And mommy and HIM finish up


And for tonight…..


No…… For this moment……


I am done with my duties

The adults flock
To the corners of the room
To smoke our snort up their “treats”
I lay there, still, silent, naked
Unable to move out of pain
And humiliation
My little body can’t take
Anymore

But suddenly I am 7 no longer
I find myself quivering, shaking
Sweating profusely
I am no longer a helpless child
I am just a scared, scarred
26 year old young woman
With a LIFETIME of memories
That lie ahead………

© Poe / Baby Bird

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I’m taking it back

My soul

My heart

My MIND

They were NEVER yours

In the first place

Yet you STOLE them from my being

Years ago

You stabbed my “private area”

With YOUR KNIFE!

Leaving an open wound

For my soul to

Slowly

Leak

Out

Over the years

Until…. there was nothing left

You shoved your fist

Through my chest

Breaking through

My rib cage

Cracking each rib

Just to YANK my very heart out

And spend YEARS shredding it

To pieces

But that wasn’t enough for you…

No….

You SNUCK your way into my brain

Took over my MIND!

Hell!!  I can’t even have SEX

With another being

Without fear of YOU

Coursing through my veins

Fuck!

THANKS, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!

When — IF — I sleep at night

You appear in my visions

Sleep *should* be my ONE SAFE PLACE

An escape from reality

An entrance into dreamland…

But you have *FOREVER* taken THAT away

There is a part of me

That I will NEVER get back

No matter HOW MANY people

Are in the “search & rescue” party

There is a part of me

That will be forever lost in abyss

Forever hiding in a dark corner

Of the darkest part of my very being

But the parts of me

That are destined to be found

Oh…. I shall search near and far

For those parts of my being

That you still possess

And I’m NO LONGER afraid to tell you

That *I*…

YES—*ME*

*I* am taking it ALL back!

I’M TAKING *ME* BACK!!!

 

 

*Author’s note:

            To my mother and stepfather and all those men who “had their way” with little Poe…. YOU GUYS ARE NO LONGER WELCOME TO *RENT SPACE OUT* in my mind!!!  NO LONGER will I give you MOTHER FUCKERS the SATISFACTION to have THAT MUCH power over me!!!!!  I am ALREADY losing control over myself due to the DRUGS….THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I WILL ALLOW *YOU* to take ME away from ME any longer!!!!!  Yes….. 2012 is the year….it’s POE’S YEAR…..TO RECLAIM HER LIFE—MY LIFE—AND start learning how to live for ME!!!!!!!  =} 

© Poe, 2012

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She walks past me
Unaware of her affect on me
Her beauty blows my mind
She is perfection in my eyes
She does not see her own beauty
But I do….
The things I want to do to her
If only she allowed me…
If she let me
Oh she would never regret our relationship
Our friendship
God I wish she would let me
Just take her body
And show her my feelings for her…
Her pussy would beg for me
Her heart would yearn for me
If only she knew how I felt
If only she let me show her
My dearest
Friend with benefits……

© Poe / Baby Bird

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She seduces me with her walk
Her talk
Her ways
That sexy dress she wears
And nothing underneath
Ooohh sends shivers down my spine
I hear her hypnotizing voice
Asking, pleading
For me to shove a nice cock
Into my moist mouth
She sits watching me pleasure him
As she pleasures herself with her
Vibrator
Then I slide my fingers
Deep into her wet pussy
Harder, faster, slower, gentler
One finger, two fingers, three, four
Screaming my name, she begs for
MORE
I give it to her, give her all she wants
I slide my fingers in and out
She moans, screams my name
At the very sound of her voice
Saying my name like that
I immediately cum
There’s no hiding my excitement
She cums all over my fingers
I want so badly to get a taste
To lick my fingers and her pussy
But I am unaware of the etiquette
Of such a sexual, SENSUAL encounter
So I abstain, fight the urge
Until next time
Oh next time I shall NOT hold back!
I will suck that cock
–whatever cock she chooses–
Until I have sucked it dry
Of all the cum it holds
I shall let the cum slide down my
Throat
I will tear up her pussy
Make her pussy my slave
For her lips….they will scream
Only when I tell them too
Her pussy WILL cum
At my command
Suck on her nipples I shall
I will learn every curve
Of her body
For during this night,
I shall make her body MINE
For dessert I will dive,
Face first
Into her wet pussy
I will tickle her clit with my tongue
Drink her very cum
She will beg me to keep going
As I give her EVERYTHING
ANYTHING
That she wants
And God only knows
That I can hardly contain myself…
Because my urges,
My mind and body
Can’t wait
Until the next time!

© Poe / Baby Bird

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He doesn’t have to touch me
For me to know he’s there
All I must know
Is that we’re breathing the same air
His body I want so badly
I don’t care if it’s a SIN!
14 yrs my senior… psssshhhh!
When I was 7 I fucked grown ass men
When I see him or hear his voice,
My pussy becomes seriously wet
I think about his penis…
Oh, have mercy! How my mouth
      Craves it!

When I get my hands on him next
Oh the things that we will do!
From the looks of it and his nasty
      Ways
Oh, honey… this will be one happy
      Screw!
I will lay him down, 
Massage his dick with my tounge
My mouth was made to PLEASE
I refuse to give up until I get cum!

Go ahead, baby!
Suck on my juicy tits!!
Squeeze my nipples HARD!
Don’t make me regret this!

Oh honey! Yea, right there
Fingerbang my pussy, you got it!!
Oh YES!!! Work those fingers all
      Around!
FUCK YEA!  Oh baby! Massage my clit!
Flip me over on my stomach!
Prop me up on my knees!
Oh, baby, “doggy style”–YES!
Do with me what you please!!!!
Stab me real good with ur dick
Shove it DEEP into my pussy!
HARDER! FASTER! DEEPER STILL!
Oh baby, not to worry… you can’t
      Hurt ME!
Fuck me, baby, c’mon!
Be rough with me! Pull my HAIR!!!
It’s here within the breathe of lust
That the pain is EXCITING, I admit, for
      Me it’s rare!!!!
There ya go, darlin!
Flip me on my back!!!!
Faster, baby, HARDER!
In exhaustion we finally collapse!
Your dick waves it’s lil white flag
“I surrender” said Mr Shaft, “I’m worn
       Out!”
My lower lips spoke up:
“OMG! THAT was AMAZING” they
      Yelled with a SHOUT!!!!

Then I suddenly realize
That this has yet to come
This sexual experience “acted out”
      Via Skype…
Now I’m beginning to realize WHY
      Orgasms online aren’t fun!

© Poe / Baby Bird

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