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Posts Tagged ‘abuse’

I ask God for His forgiveness
I ask Him to heal my heart
Each night before I go to bed
I pray each morning for a brand new start

God whispered something
Directly into my ear
“My child, you need not worry,
Dry up your falling tears.”
“Forgiveness was GUARANTEED to you
The day I hung from that cross….
And wasn’t it THEN that I PROMISED
That with ME you’d NEVER be lost….??”

I began weeping heavily
Because my pain goes to my core
Attached to me are memories
Of events that I wish not to remember anymore
I WISH it were easy
For me to just forgive & forget
Forgive those that hurt me….
And forget the images in my head!

“Father, I have a question,” I began
“The men that raped me when I was seven?”
“HOW do I go about forgiving them?
To be HONEST, I don’t want to see them in heaven… ”

“Oh, dear…. when you FORGIVE,
“You are NOT saying everything’s ‘ok’
“But rather you are freeing YOUR SOUL,
“Allowing you to see a new day…. ”
“When you forgive someone who’s hurt you,
“Someone who’s brought to your life solely rain,
“You are standing up proclaiming your STRENGTH
No longer controlled by the pain…”

“So basically,” I concluded,
“Even if I FORGIVE them… it’s  REALLY so I can be set free?!?
“So once I TRULY forgive them,
“My heart will beat solely for ME!!!”

©Poe, 2013

© Poet4Life/Poe
(unless otherwise noted)

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Apology…

She sits there
Waiting for an apology
But what is there that I
Should say sorry for?
She would beat me
Allow grown men
To slip inside
My little 5 year old body
She watched as silent tears fell from my eyes
As I was pinned to the ground,
Fighting off one man after another
Never knowing a saving grace
She doped me up at 7 years old
Thinking it would make me forget
The monsters that lurked at night
The ones who could never have enough of me
She watched and waited
Collecting money from the rich
And drugs from the poor
All paying their way into my bedroom….paying their way into me…
She allowed Him to have me as he wished
To force bleach down my throat
I cried as he lay atop me, forcing himself inside
He turn me black, blue and red as he pleased
She kept me out of school
When the beatings got too out of control
She put me on the streets
When she “couldn’t afford” to have me around
She watched me, her 10 yr old daughter,
As I carved into my arms,
Cutting out one chunk of flesh at a time
Knowing she was the source of the pain as she smiled and looked the other way
I  spent many years
Fearing everyday would be my last
Hoping that I would go to sleep and not wake up
And I find myself wishing the same thoughts all over again
She brought pain, horror, and fear
Into a little girl who had not a chance to know anything else
I was raised to not want to be close to another person
I was raised without a sense of what happiness and love truly meant
I look at the scars on my arm and those still bleeding on my heart
And wonder why I feel I owe something
To the woman who destyroyed my childhood
And never even gave me a chance
So, she expects an apology, huh?
What should I apologize for?
For being born?  For being her punching bag?  Her “money maker”?
Well….forget it — there’s nothing that I owe her….not a sorry, not even a “hi”…..
© Poe, 2012

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★MURDEROUS MOE★

**Intro: The poem below is about my newly created altar ego, murderous Moe!!! “MM” has the strength & balls that I, BB/Poe, don’t!! So… hope u enjoy a dark side of Baby Bird that I, myself didn’t even know existed until the writing of this!!
xoxo
BB

★MURDEROUS MOE★

Back to the asylum I go
My wristband reads: “Murderous
     Moe”
I know these red doors ALL too well
For I met my fate on the day Poe fell
“I AM POE”, I yell out loud
But my voice gets lost amidst the
     Crowd
Locked up again for someone else’s
     Crime
Judge says I’m in for LIFE this time
I say to the police, “my name is Poe”
But all they keep asking is
     “Who’s ‘Murderous Moe’?”

This ‘Murderous Moe’ they speak of
Over her I have no control
For she has taken over
Almost my whole soul
Moe is my avenger
She rights the wrongs & wrongs the
     Rights
Never does she show any fear
She WILL appear day or night
When Poe was seven, first time she
     Was raped
Do you REALLY think Moe called the
     Cops?
Hell no!!!  As soon as Poe ran & hid
Moe chased down those mother
     Fuckers! Their dicks she did chop
Was THAT enough to stop the
     Abuse?
Did Poe’s Mom learn her lesson
     Then?
Your answer lies within the famous
     “Museum of Dicks”
Mere PROOF of Moe’s sweet
     Revenge
Poe’s mom did not stop
Pimped little Poe out for drugs
Murderous Moe couldn’t take it
In the basement 50 bodies,
     R.I.P. you thugs
One night Moe walked in
On the floor a bloody & bruised
     Poe lay
THIS was Moe’s last straw
Tonight her parents would pay
Moe dragged Poe to the road
Out of the way of harm
That’s when Moe saw the words:
      “PLEASE SAVE ME”
Carved deep into Poe’s arm

One last time, Moe entered the
     House
Tiptoed as quietly as a mouse
Straight to the kitchen she crept
Silence was heard as everyone slept
She grabbed a butcher knife from
     The drawer
Took gasoline and doused the
     Floors
First room she entered is that of
     Little sister
Pillow over her face, quietly
     Suffocating her
In her eyes, murder was AlIvE
But she couldn’t kill baby brother,
      He was only five
Stabbed the tweaker in the hall
Then jacked him for his pinched
     8-ball
Into the master bedroom she did
     Slide
Covered in blood, her smile is WIDE
Flipped on the lights, this she had to
     See
The fear in their eyes, looks of
     Agony
Daddy’s turn had come first
For his blood, Moe had such a
     Thirst
She took the knife, sliced open
     Daddy
His organs fell out for Mommy to
     See
Moe went and sliced his heart
Upon the walls, spewed bloody art
Sliced & diced even after he died
Moe wouldn’t stop till she was
     Satisfied
Mommy lay there, still as can be
The paralyzing agent worked
     Almost instantly
She was awake, forced to watch the
     Show
The look in her eyes, she knew it
     Was her time to go
“This is for hurting Poe”, Moe
     Whispered in her ear
The selfish bitch lay there, did not
     Shed a tear
One, two, three and four
She stabbed that bitch to the core
Five, six, seven and eight
Moe stopped counting at 108
Mommy and daddy sliced beyond
     Recognition
Murderous Moe had completed
     Her mission
On her way out, she grabbed baby
     Brother
Maybe he’d be lucky & find a good
     Mother
As she continued on her way, she
     Threw a match n the floor
Then casually behind her, shut the
     Door
Flames burst through the windows
     Like an angry dragon
Up in flames went the dreaded
     Dungeon
Moe, exhausted, set the baby on
     The ground
She lay by Poe without making a
     Sound
By the time emergency personnel
     Responded
Poe had woken up, one fucked up
     Kid
Murderous Moe, suddenly MIA
It wasn’t like her to stick around
     And stay
The confusion within Poe grows
And she realizes that she doesn’t
     Know
How in the world she will explain
Without sounding completely
     Insane 
She screams at the top of her
     Lungs
The saddest song ever sung

*”CAN’T YOU SEE?!?
I AM Poe, NOT Moe
BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
Moe IS Poe!”*

Locked in the asylum, behind these
     Red doors
Wearing my FAVORITE *white
     Jacket*
Been sentenced to LIFE with these
     Folks, confined by these walls
But HEY, I guess I will have to
     Learn to like it–
Hell, I may even learn to LOVE IT!!
😉

~~ A BB Original

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*A P4L & Santa Tale*

~~I belong to a poetry board & my user-name on that board is: poet4life (OR: P4L)!!!  This specific poem was written 4 this board originally, which is why I use “P4L” throughout vs. “BB”!  Soooo, yea!!!~~

~A P4L & Santa Tale~

P4L was a sad young girl
Who couldn’t seem to find love in
This big ol’ world
Her days were filled with fake,
Forced smiles
Her nights brought on a river of
Tears that ran for miles
Her daddy was gone & her mommy
Was smoking crack
When the moon awoke, her little
Body fell under attack
Every year, on Christmas Day
Little P4L, a prayer she would say
But this was no ordinary child’s
Christmas prayer
For her heart did not ask for shoes,
Toys….not even a Teddy bear!
For what P4L prayed for were things
That were intangible
A “meet-n-greet” with daddy & a kiss from mommy… love she read
About in fables!!!
Every year she thought “maybe THIS
Year” and she poured out her
Heart to the sky
Every year a let down, who CAN care
About Christmas when mom
Is too busy gettin’ high
A hug and kiss from mommy, little
P4L’s heart will always yearn
She hopes one day that it’s LOVE
She’ll learn
One Christmas, P4L stayed awake all
Night
A noise on the roof gave her such a
Fright
Wearing her nightgown, no shoes
On her feet
Unprepared with who she was
About to meet
She wondered if maybe she was up
On her luck
Out of her room she quietly snuck
Then all of a sudden, little P4L froze
In awe
She couldn’t believe it was SANTA
She saw
“Why, hello, little girl, and how are
You!, may I ask?”
Finding the right response seemed
Like such a big task
“Santa,” little P4L began to say,
“Why haven’t you come to visit me
Until today?
Am I on the naughty list? What’d I
Do wrong?!?
Year after year, my wish list is
NEVER too long”
Santa’s cheery smile turned upside
Down
The first time anyone has seen this
Fat man frown
“Why, little P4L, I bring gifts to you
Every year!
Please now, take this doll– don’t
Shed another tear!”
P4L took the gift, in heart was hope
“My momma must’ve clucked my
Presents for dope!”
Santa embraced little P4L with a hug
When he stood up, she gave him a
Tug
“Santa, please, take me with you!
I will do whatever you ask me too…
The men that my momma brings to
Me at night
Oh, Santa, they give me such a fright
But my momma taught me this new
Trick, you see,
It involves a pole and me!”
Santa, with a look of horror on his
Face
Didn’t realize lil’ P4L’s mom was
Such a disgrace
“Oh, honey, yes, come, come now!
Leave everything behind — the elves
Can make you all new things
Anyhow!!”
Santa gave out a jolly “ho, ho, ho”
And up to the rooftop, they did go
“Hello Rudolph” said lil’ P4L
Rudolph answered with a ring of his
Bell
P4L fell asleep in the sleigh
As Santa finished his work before
The next day
When P4L awoke, she thought she
Was in a dream
For to her heart, love was never
Before seen
P4L was startled by what she saw
All around her, a bunch of elves &
What appeared to be Mrs Claus
“Oh, my, please don’t awake me
From this dream!!”
“Oh child,” said Mrs Claus, “you
Asleep! I am Santa’s wife and
This is the ‘elf team!'”
P4L relaxed and for the first time in
Awhile
Across her face, crept a smile
“When you are ready, my dear,
Santa would like to see you — don’t
Have any fear!”
A million things raced through P4L’s
Mind
Expecting the worst, but reminding
Herself that he was kind
So off to see Santa, she did go
‘Wow!’ She thought, ‘so THIS was
North Pole!!’
Upon Santa’s door the elf went
*Rap, rap, rap*
Santa was heard, “ho, ho, ho! P4L,
Come sit on my lap!!”
Any child would JuMp at the
Opportunity
But P4L couldn’t but be a wee bit
Weary
Upon Santa’s lap she did climb
Wondering what Santa would say
This time
“Now P4L, what would you first like
To do?!?”
Shyly she said, “pole dancing, if you
Wish– I can even do it naked,
Too! “
“Oh, my dear … no, no, no! You will
Find nothing here but LOVE
For this is something you know
Nothing of!
This is your new home, lil’ one, and I
Will forever call you MINE!
Don’t doubt it– never for a second
That my love isn’t kind.”
P4L hugged Santa as tears filled her
Eyes
The kindness of a MAN– she never
Knew, it left her in surprise

For years she lived believing this
Love would last forever
But as she grew older, she also got
Clever
Mr and Mrs Claus died when they
Got old
The Toothfairy & Easter Bunny…
They’re not so nice, truth be
Told
Into the world, P4L went so naive
Love is something in which she
Could no longer believe
She found her mom, still addicted
To crack
Found her dad… but he didn’t want
Her back
All alone in this world that she did
Not know
Smoking dope & sleeping around —
God knows she felt low
In this world, a grown up P4L sees
No hope
Trying to find different ways to cope
She struggles to get through each
Day
“Just forget about your past– who
Cares that you were hurt!” They
All say
She tries to stand tall & strong
A “pillar of strength” she’s seen by
Many… but will that last for
Very long?!?
LOVE is something that died when
P4L left the North Pole
She refuses to believe it can be
Found by selling her soul
P4L can NEVER say “thank you”
Enough for all that Santa did
For her back then
For Santa handed P4L her very first
Notebook of papers & pen
He taught her love & even though
She probably won’t ever find it
Again
She PRAYS her heart won’t EVER
Forget that it’s THAT love that
Into the world she must send

{Possibly unfinished?!?  Idk… too painful to write anymore ………}

~~ A Baby Bird Original

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I AM PROCLAIMING MY LIFE AS MINE!!!

I, am NO LONGER a victim!!  I AM A SURVIVOR!  I am no longer in immediate danger from them!   NO LONGER WILL I ALLOW THOSE A$$HOLES TO *RENT SPACE* IN MY HEAD!!!  I  REFUSE TO ALLOW ONE MORE MOTHER FU¢K€R LAY A HAND ON ME OR HURT ME!!  **NO LONGER WILL THE BASTARDS CONTROL MY MIND WITH DRUGS!   THE DRUGS DO +NOT+ HAVE ME!!  I HAVE THEM!  THESE ASSHOLES R NO LONGER WELCOME!

I AM STRONG AND I AM A FIGHTER!   NO ONE CAN STAND IN MY WAY!  I AM UNSTOPPABLE, INVINCIBLE,  AND WILL NREAK DOWN EVERY WALL OF HATE THAT HATERS PUT UP– I’LL BUST THROUGH WITH ALL THE LOVE IN MY HEART!   **LOVE CONQUERORS EVIL ANY DAY!!!**

I am *BABY BIRD*– I am NOT my past … but, simply, my past has made me into the LOVING, STRONG, RESILIENT  woman I am today!   so  FUCK ALL OF U WHO ABUSED ME…. U HAVE UNKNOWINGLY CREATED A WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!  

Ciao mother fuckers!!!  =}

(sorry… guess  i was angrier than i thot! )

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