No Hope for the Hopeless…..

~~~~ October 13, 2012 ~~~~

I can’t go home
For I have been BANNED
All I have to my name is my purse
And the land upon wich I stand
Cupboards were SLAMMED
Holes punched through doors
A FUCKING BITCH, a STUPID ASS CUNT is what I am
God, please….. I cannot take anymore
Where am I supposed to go?
What in the hell am I to do?
Tonight I’m hanging with friends
But what happens  when my WELCOME becomes overdue?
I ACTUALLY stood up to my mom today
Put the ball in her court, let her choose
Told her I HAD IT, SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT
Pick a SIDE, mother, if you defend HIM vs ME, it’s me you’ll lose!!!
Oh well, well, well
What do we see HERE?!?
No shocker, mother dearest…..
You’ve just confirmed my worst fear
You chose to defend your roommate
When I told you he had threatened me
I am your MOTHER FUCKING DAUGHTER
WHY can’t THIS fact you CLEARLY SEE?
The asshole called me a CUNT, mom,
While YOU sat there BITCHING ME OUT because my friend stayed the night
If you would’ve just ASKED “WHY”
MAYBE you would’ve found out it was  an accident & her grandma just DIED!
I don’t know WHY you have to be such an INSENSITIVE BITCH
I was attempting to comfort a grieving friend
We fell asleep watching a movie
And you act like the fucking WORLD will end!
So what now mother?
I have  absolutely nowhere to lay my head at night
My days will now be filled with trying to find food
And SOME money…..just to try and survive

~~~~ October 16th ~~~~~

Are you HAPPY now, mom?
Looks like YOU’RE bitch ass WON
After my “friends” fucking DITCHED ME
A couple nights I spent on the streets, from your hate, on the run
Slept in front of walmart
Freezing cold for two nights
I hadn’t eaten in TWO FUCKING DAYS
I felt hopeless, helpless…saw NO light
I sit here now
In YOUR house, on the fucking PORCH I pay rent for
I cried myself to sleep earlier
Because a part of me KNOWS I deserve MORE
I still don’t have any food
But I have a roof over my head
I can’t call this place “home”
But AT LEAST I don’t have to call the streets or a jail cell my BED
I know you don’t give a shit
I know you don’t CARE
But mom…I’m hurting inside
The pain, the hurt…. I’m not sure how much more I can bare
The last couple nights, mom,
When I sat outside all alone, cold and weak
When the moon and stars were my only refuge
My tears froze as they slid down my cheeks
I pondered life and it’s meaning
Wondering what I did to deserve all these tears
Begging God  to answer me “WHY”
Pleading with him to cut short my years
But God didn’t hear me
He left me alone to endure this strife
My heart hurts, I can’t find ANY hope
For some reason, SOMEHOW, God THINKS I can handle this life
But for the first time
In God knows HOW long
I really see no hope
I feel extremely WEAK…. NOT at all strong
I am praying to God
Praying He’ll show me *HOW*…NOT “why”
HOW He expects me to trudge on
HOW I’m supposed to SMILE when all I want to do is die…..

© Poe / Baby Bird

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She Chooses Death….

No longer does He hide in the corners
No longer does He hide in the shadows
For she now seeks Him out
Anticipating his arrival
She looks Him in the face
And laughs
Mockingly
Mocking  His presence,
His mere existence
Just  last week
She lay in the hospital
On Deaths doorstep
The doctors told her
If she continues to use Meth
She will live
LESS
THAN
A YEAR
How do I look my sister in the eye
How do I tell my grandma
That she,
My mother,
Her mother, her daughter,
That she is giving up….
Choosing Meth over us….
That her addiction will win
Because she is choosing to use
Rather than to live
That she is no longer running from Death
But rather she is running alongside Him
Tempting Him to take her at any moment
How can I look at her,
My mom,
And ask her to choose LIFE
When I just set down the pipe myself
When Meth has it’s grasp around MY neck as well
So all I can think to do is sit here
Pack another bowl
Smoke until I’m beyond loaded
As I watch her,
My mother,
Seek out Death
And act like everything is okay
No tears are shed
As I watch my mother
CHOOSE to die
And once again
As I gaze upon her
And this final act of cruelty
As she will choose Meth over ME
As she draws in
Her final breath
And CHOOSES Death……

© Poe / Baby Bird

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The Fallen ‘Happy Warrior’ {In memory of Junior Seau…} 1969-2012

It was just three days ago you took your own life
Still, I am having trouble trying to comprehend
WHAT was it that made you feel
The  you need to bring your life to an abrupt end?
I never got the chance to meet you in person
But you were an AMAZING NFL star
And off the field, you impacted SO many lives
Like helping kids know that no matter their BACKGROUND
The can go FAR!!!
Oh how I wish I had a remote
Because then I would rewind time
Maybe you could find someone to talk to,
Maybe I would be writing a happier rhyme

It has become merely IMPOSSIBLE to watch the news
And to *NOT* hear about this awful tragedy
Is the media glorifying or mourning his death?
Their sincere motives…I truly cannot see….
Junior Seau, remembered as #55 on the San Diego Chargers
And for always giving his all to help a fellow human being
If only we could reverse time
Maybe his loved ones wouldn’t be left weeping

This poem has dual purpose,
For any and all people reading this
I wanted to mourn the late Junior Seau
But an “EDUCATIONAL” opportunity, I didn’t want to miss
All of us face trials and tribulations
To different degrees throughout our life
W all will experience SMiLES and JoY
But we are ALL bound to encounter strife
No matter how much money or fame one may have
Realize…we are ALL riding life’s roller coaster ride
EVERYONE–no matter WHO they are–needs someone to lean on
Because no family or individual deserves the pain of suicide
Suicide is not a joke, no laughing matter
Once these thoughts sneak in…they WILL try to take over your mind
If suicide begins to penetrate your heart
Seek out help IMMEDIATELY and ALLOW someone to help you unwind
No matter where you come from, no matter who you are
ALWAYS remember the world is better because you are ALIVE…because you are HERE
And when those days come where you are feeling down and out
Remember that someone, SOMEWHERE is holding you dear
I know life can be hard and unbearable
There will be nights you pray that you won’t wake to a new day
But PLEASE come near and listen closely
To the very words I am about to say
I have been down this here road before
Suffered YEARS in the darkness and strife
I gave up ALL hope, saw NO future
I wanted so badly to give up on life
But then in the farthest corner where only dark resided
It was THERE in that darkened corner I would learn to cope
It was within this little *spec* of LIGHT
That I FINALLY found and regained *HOPE*!
If you are feeling sad, depressed…Hell, even “fine”…
If, in life, you just want to throw in the towel
I urge you to STAY STRONG, fight this fight
Things WILL get easier…don’t give up now!
*REACH OUT, ASK for help* —
It’s NEVER too late to save your own life!
Remember…no matter how you feel… you ARE *SOMEONE* to somebody out there
You are someone’s daughter, son, mother, father, husband or wife
*PLEASE*…TAKE MY ADVICE
(Although, to most of you, I am but just a stranger…)
Trust me when I say this……
Dealing with these emotions alone could put you in *danger*…..

© Poe, 2012

R.I.P. ~ Jr Seau~
         ~1969-2012~
May your kindness and generosity towards your community live on an be an example of how to treat one another!
God Bless….   **If you or someone you love is struggling with thoughts of suicide….PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT LIGHTLY!!! NO MENTION OF SELF-HARM AND/OR SUICIDE SHOULD EVER BE TAKEN AS *LESS THAN* SERIOUS!!!!! Too many kids, parents, family members and friends loose their life EVERY DAY due to suicide. THERE ARE MANY RESOURCES OUT THERE, available to the *PUBLIC* {MOST of them free of charge}!!!! Watch for sudden drops in mood in friends and loved ones……watch out for key words/phrases {i.e. “If I were gone…”, “When I die…”, etc.}….. YOU CAN SAVE A LIFE *JUST* BY BEING AWARE!!! =} **

*~*If YOU or a LOVED ONE find yourself needing help and you reside WITHIN THE U.S.*~*


The WONDERFUL people at the NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LINE can help!


Call *TOLL-FREE* at: 1-800-273-8255 {from anywhere in the U.S., 24/7}


{If you need help…DO NOT be weary to ask!!! Don’t wait until it’s too late…}

© Poe / Baby Bird

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